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Ain't enough in here to make a pile, Psii. [TJ explained, though he felt a little bad all the same. Amal was coming apart at the seams here, and he wasn't helping.] N' Amal, it's this... troll thing, when you're upset, you're supposed to make a pile and sit on it and talk about your feelings.

[For real.]

You're jutht not inventive enough.

[And he makes a move to prove this point clearly wrong... only to pause as Amal's confusion hits in.]

...TJ did you not talk to your matethprit about the moirail thing? [gdi TJ]

Okay, now you're just making things up! Knock it off, both of you, I'm not in the fucking mood.

Dude, now ain't the time. [He didn't feel too bad not mentioning it -- after all, he did mention it, in passing. Knowing Amal, it was the furthest thing from his mind and TJ felt that was probably for the best.]

Things are a little... tense, 'round here. Though. [And now, he's speaking to both of them.] I'm fine and nobody's gonna come swoopin' in to kill me if I take a leak unassisted, so maybe we can take it down a notch?

Alternian wordth, I'll explain later- [Mostly because TJ is saying so, really.]

And I'm not worried about you dying. [A lie, but he says it convincingly enough.] I'm worried about your emotional thtates, both of you. TJ, I'm hijacking all your clothing. And the furth I brought. And then we're getting on it and talking about our feelingth inthtead of freaking out.

Got it?

[Y'all don't think he's serious? Hell no, he's making for the clothing section, he is doing this.]

[Amal bristles at the insinuation -- he is NOT overreacting, god damn it, this is serious!]

I don't need to talk about my feelings, okay? I just need to... find this person. And remind them that their last target is dating someone who knows how to get rid of a body and leave no trace.

[Between Rambo over here and the growing pile of khaki Psii was accumulating, TJ wondered if maybe he was dreaming. Or going insane. Or both.

He crossed to Amal, breaking their usual avoidance of PDA. Nothing more than a handhold and a kiss on the forehead, but it was what he could give in the hopes of calming the other man down.]

Maybe, uh, maybe listenin' to Psii and laying down in a bunch of furs might not be so bad? [Unspoken, but: you are seriously tense, dude.]

[It is an alarming pile of khaki. Seriously. Who the fuck brings these things over here? What the fuck was traded for them? He is questioning this place's integrity.]

[Either way, he lets TJ handle his matesprit as he focuses on making a pile in the largest amount of space he can find, psionics doing most of the heavy lifting. It's when the furs land onto the pile with a thmp! does he nudge off his shoes and the coat he was wearing so that he can crawl onto it himself.]

[...Well, more like 'perch'. The effect, along with the stare he sends their way that somehow manages to give off the message of You can get over here of your own free will or I will use my brain to strangle you with that snuggie and then drag you over here while you're distracted anyway DO NOT TEST ME, makes him look like a disconcerting lanky gargoyle.]

[A feelings jam is happening one way or another, you fuckers.]

Edited 2014-11-29 08:13 (UTC)

[Suddenly Amal is willing to take back everything he ever believed since childhood. Space travel is a terrible idea, and aliens are the literal worst things ever. He gives TJ a reproachful look -- he is exactly as tense as the situation calls for -- and starts to make his grumpy way toward the pile.

That's a lot of crap in a heap on the floor, all right. All he knows is, he's not the one in charge of washing all this crap whenever they let him leave.]

Fine. I'll sit in the fur. But only for a couple of minutes; I have calls to make.

[TJ looked profoundly relieved as he watched Amal scale the pile, making a grumpy nest for himself near the top. Quick to follow suit, TJ clamored up next to him.

His strength seemed... lessened, somehow. Like a bone-deep exhaustion had fallen over him. But he still found the energy to pull a bear skin over Amal and himself, with Psii perching above them like a pointy mama bird.

Maybe trolls were right about this whole 'pile' thing. It was kind of nice.]

Who do you gotta call that ain't here, man?

[Yeah man, trolls know exactly what they're doing. Even if it's sometimes horrible. But we're not talking about that.]

[It's only when the two of them are secured snugly in the pile does Psii relax, manuevering a bit so that he's on the other side of TJ. He's important to him and Amal, so this seems like a good even middle. Listening carefully, he decides this is as good area to nudge towards. Probably? He is such a shit conciliator.]

People who were here for it latht time?

[Amal clearly cannot believe his life so far has led to this moment, swathed in a khaki nest under a bear pelt with his boyfriend and an alien with apparent boundary issues.]

I was thinking about getting Sherlock to track him down, but yeah, a lot of people would remem--

[The sentence dies as he realizes, with a jolt like a suckerpnch, that he once again focused on himself and forgot someone very, very important. God, he sucks.

One text to Poison later, he's back into the conversation.]

Anyway. No way in fucking hell am I letting this happen again.

[Nestled between these two heat-generating furnaces, under a bear pelt, TJ felt very toasty. Almost cozy, really. His anxiety -- and it was there, for all he was determined to ignore it -- receded that much more in the face of it.]

Well, if you ask me, I don't think I'm the guy people should be watchin' out for. [He spoke tentatively at first, ready for this not to go over well.] It's everyone. Dude already stuck me once, why would he want to do it again? What would it prove?

Becauthe you're eathy prey. You were got a firtht time, you could be got a thecond time. Becauthe he wantsth to thee if he can get a reaction like the firtht. Becauthe he knowth you, tho you're familiar.

There are a lot of reathons. Trutht me, I know. Why did he go after you in the firtht place? The guy liketh to play mythterious.

[Unpleasant things, but they had to be said. Feeling jams weren't always pleasant, but necessary. Sometimes that meant being a little unkind.]

No one could find him the firtht time, right? He knowth what he'th doing.

I tried to track him down myself, and the people I asked to help me ended up disappearing like a week later. No video, no announcement, just boom, gone.

[Amal settles back, relaxing just a bit despite himself. It's warm in here, and with TJ so close he doesn't have to worry as much.

Still worrying, though.]

Glen -- [to TJ:] do you remember Glen? -- [to both:] had a theory, but I don't know if there's anything to it because we were never able to prove anything. You were helping people who were going hungry, and she thought that maybe if you stand out, if you're someone who does enough good to prevent misery or deaths, maybe they target you.

I dunno, maybe it's way off base. We never had enough to go on.

[Psii's list of reasons was pretty compelling, as was Amal's theory -- or Glen's theory (she didn't spark much memory in TJ except for the sudden and immediate knowledge that she was a woman, not a man, despite her name). He nodded to them both, hands kneading against the fur until he found Amal's hand and, after a fashion, Psii's wrist.]

No offense to Glen or you, but I ain't exactly a pillar of the community. [TJ frowned, looking between them.] I mean, this ain't a food bank, I'm not givin' shit away for free.

I just don't think it's as easy as all that. [And, tentative, again:] Like--Like it's a distraction or somethin'. I dunno.

[There's a small jolt at being touched- he'd been avoiding it himself just because he didn't want to cause any issues with Amal. He relaxes after a moment, however, free hand coming to rest on the back of TJ's.]

...I don't think he'th with the Tech group. Maybe I'm wrong- I've only been here a little while. But... I don't think tho. There'th thomething more.

[There's a shake of his head.]

What'd it feel like, not having anything to do after that? And you- [To TJ, now.] -come on, you jutht thaw torture porn of yourthelf. Hardly anyone ith relaxed after that.

[Amal notices the hands and shoots TJ a questioning glance, but he doesn't press it. They'd had that conversation once before, and maybe in the future they'd have to have it again, but he was willing to hold onto what he was told last time. He has no reason not to trust TJ, though he's not entirely comfortable.]

It felt like rainbows and kitten tickles, Psii, I can safely say it was the greatest time of my life.

[But he realizes he's lashing out at the wrong person here and backs off, glancing away guiltily.]

Sorry. It doesn't matter, though. Whatever I felt back then isn't important, we just need to stop this guy before anyone else gets caught.

Edited 2014-11-29 10:31 (UTC)

[TJ shrugged, not sure what to say in response to Amal's look. Don't be like that.]

Y'know, you say that n' like... [He looked to Psii, then to Amal, before sighing.] Like I should be freakin' out, but shit, man, I'm gonna be honest. I feel sort of relieved.

[And then, to Amal:] So I don't want you rushin' into anything. Not yet.

Edited 2014-11-29 10:46 (UTC)

[There's an awkward pause as he tries to figure out where to go from here. Amal obviously has the most issues, he could be blind and that would still be glaringly obvious, but TJ's seems like the easiest to deal with at present. At least he was admitting some emotion.]

[Fuck it. Temprail comes first. Sorry, Amal, he'll get to you and your blinding emotional issues in a second.]

You can feel however you fuckin' want. Amal flipth hith thit, which he'th allowed to, and you're relieved. Okay. Why?

[Amal glanced away, quietly fuming a little and letting the two of them speak. Don't be like WHAT, exactly, you're the one basically holding hands with some other guy right next to me.]

'Cuz I feel like since I got there, there's been this thing hangin' over me, like... l-like what happened, where'd you get those scars, people dancin' around it like it was this unspeakable thing.

I just... guess I built it up to be--[He noticed Amal not looking at him, his stomach dropping out like someone punched him in the gut. Oh no. Please don't let him fuck this up, too.] I, u-uh, I built it up to be...

[TJ trailed off without finishing, looking to Psii with some naked anxiety in his eyes. The cuddle pile was backfiring fast, and TJ slowly withdrew his hands from both of them to cross over his own chest.]

It's just better than... than me hurtin' somebody.

Edited 2014-11-29 11:00 (UTC)

[...See, this is why he wanted to have the goddamn quadrants talk, but noooo. Probably inappropriately, Psii gives a scowl. He can't understand humans. Is handholding not a thing people can do?]

[Okay, the current subject is going to have to be put on pause. He puts a gentle hand to TJ's arm to let him know he's not ignoring him before there's a brief flare up of psi against Amal's shoulder. Not enough to hurt anything- more like a finger flick, something to say "hey asshole pay attention".]

And you probably avoided talking about it becauthe it fucking blowth, right? No one wantsth to remember that, and-

[Dammit. He'd hoped he could avoid talking about his own issues, why this strikes so close to home for him, but he's going to have to go with it if he wants this to go anywhere. He takes a quiet deep breath before forging on. Maybe if he doesn't make it obvious he's speaking from personal experience, they can all ignore it. Right? Fingers fucking crossed.]

It maketh you feel like a fuckup, right? Here'th the one perthon you have who maketh everything feel thort of tentatively okay even for all the world hath gone to fuckall ath it relateth to you, who you can find a bit of quiet and happineth with, and then it getsth yanked from you because apparently you're not allowed to have nice thingth. It'sth not jutht that, 'tho, right?

Becauthe then fate or jutht thome prick with all the power you don't have grabth you by the head and rubth your face in it. They make you watch, they make you feel ill and powerleth and robbed, and you know it'sth only going to be worthe.

But time marcheth on, thingth thtart looking a little up for a while, only for it to come in like a wrecking ball to perthonally fuck up your life, and all that rage and mithery and helplethness cometh back- but what can you do, right?

You know you need to do thomething, but you have no idea what the fuck to do or even if you can do anything.

[It all comes out in a passionate ramble as he props himself up on one elbow, face flushing as he goes on and on. It's only when he stops to catch his breath does he really think about what he said. His shoulders go up awkwardly.]

...If I had to gueth, anyway. Lithten, if I have to come over there to force you into a cuddle between me and TJ, I will fucking make it happen, you pair of dithasters. Come on, talk.

Edited 2014-11-29 11:19 (UTC)

[Nail. On. The head.

And it's clear from the way Amal physically recoils from Psii, getting that look on his face like a cornered animal that only smelled a trap after it was too late. The look that says he's about to run.

As soon as the invitation to talk is offered, he mutters "fuck this", climbs out of the khaki nest, and makes his escape, slamming the door behind him. He can't be in there anymore. He can't listen to this. Psii's uncanny description of his thoughts brought back the ugly memories in a flood, his helplessness, the drunken blur of days in which people dropped by, made him eat, encouraged him to get up. The funeral, the mechanical way he forced himself to prepare the clinic and TSO for the rising waters that ended up washing away any possible leads.

God, and he got wasted and burned down a house. To say he was miserable and enraged, and feeling more than his fair share of both right now, was an understatement.

Fucking troll. Who the fuck did he think he was? Who even asked him?]

[Hearing Psii talk and knowing Amal as well as he did, TJ was awarded tragic foresight into how this would be going. Part of him wanted to stop Psii from saying anymore, but another part of him felt compelled to let him speak.

Maybe it would help? Amal's anger and frustration over this wasn't something TJ knew how to control or handle, and in a show of his own hesitancy, he was willing to let Psii take the bullet for what he couldn't really say himself.

Though that didn't make Amal's retreat any less frustrating and frightening, all rolled into one. TJ didn't need a chip in his brain to make him feel this one: it stung all on its own, igniting insecurities he hoped to bury once and for all when the chip deactivated.

He fucked up, he fucked up so colossally bad, but the only real shot he had of making this go right was letting Amal do this. TJ knew he needed the time alone, the least he could do was ensure he got it.]

Don't. [He said to Psii, preempting any shows of protest or psiioniics from the troll.] Let him go. [And, quieter:] This is harder on him than either of us.

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