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[Psii's list of reasons was pretty compelling, as was Amal's theory -- or Glen's theory (she didn't spark much memory in TJ except for the sudden and immediate knowledge that she was a woman, not a man, despite her name). He nodded to them both, hands kneading against the fur until he found Amal's hand and, after a fashion, Psii's wrist.]

No offense to Glen or you, but I ain't exactly a pillar of the community. [TJ frowned, looking between them.] I mean, this ain't a food bank, I'm not givin' shit away for free.

I just don't think it's as easy as all that. [And, tentative, again:] Like--Like it's a distraction or somethin'. I dunno.

[There's a small jolt at being touched- he'd been avoiding it himself just because he didn't want to cause any issues with Amal. He relaxes after a moment, however, free hand coming to rest on the back of TJ's.]

...I don't think he'th with the Tech group. Maybe I'm wrong- I've only been here a little while. But... I don't think tho. There'th thomething more.

[There's a shake of his head.]

What'd it feel like, not having anything to do after that? And you- [To TJ, now.] -come on, you jutht thaw torture porn of yourthelf. Hardly anyone ith relaxed after that.

[Amal notices the hands and shoots TJ a questioning glance, but he doesn't press it. They'd had that conversation once before, and maybe in the future they'd have to have it again, but he was willing to hold onto what he was told last time. He has no reason not to trust TJ, though he's not entirely comfortable.]

It felt like rainbows and kitten tickles, Psii, I can safely say it was the greatest time of my life.

[But he realizes he's lashing out at the wrong person here and backs off, glancing away guiltily.]

Sorry. It doesn't matter, though. Whatever I felt back then isn't important, we just need to stop this guy before anyone else gets caught.

Edited 2014-11-29 10:31 (UTC)

[TJ shrugged, not sure what to say in response to Amal's look. Don't be like that.]

Y'know, you say that n' like... [He looked to Psii, then to Amal, before sighing.] Like I should be freakin' out, but shit, man, I'm gonna be honest. I feel sort of relieved.

[And then, to Amal:] So I don't want you rushin' into anything. Not yet.

Edited 2014-11-29 10:46 (UTC)

[There's an awkward pause as he tries to figure out where to go from here. Amal obviously has the most issues, he could be blind and that would still be glaringly obvious, but TJ's seems like the easiest to deal with at present. At least he was admitting some emotion.]

[Fuck it. Temprail comes first. Sorry, Amal, he'll get to you and your blinding emotional issues in a second.]

You can feel however you fuckin' want. Amal flipth hith thit, which he'th allowed to, and you're relieved. Okay. Why?

[Amal glanced away, quietly fuming a little and letting the two of them speak. Don't be like WHAT, exactly, you're the one basically holding hands with some other guy right next to me.]

'Cuz I feel like since I got there, there's been this thing hangin' over me, like... l-like what happened, where'd you get those scars, people dancin' around it like it was this unspeakable thing.

I just... guess I built it up to be--[He noticed Amal not looking at him, his stomach dropping out like someone punched him in the gut. Oh no. Please don't let him fuck this up, too.] I, u-uh, I built it up to be...

[TJ trailed off without finishing, looking to Psii with some naked anxiety in his eyes. The cuddle pile was backfiring fast, and TJ slowly withdrew his hands from both of them to cross over his own chest.]

It's just better than... than me hurtin' somebody.

Edited 2014-11-29 11:00 (UTC)

[...See, this is why he wanted to have the goddamn quadrants talk, but noooo. Probably inappropriately, Psii gives a scowl. He can't understand humans. Is handholding not a thing people can do?]

[Okay, the current subject is going to have to be put on pause. He puts a gentle hand to TJ's arm to let him know he's not ignoring him before there's a brief flare up of psi against Amal's shoulder. Not enough to hurt anything- more like a finger flick, something to say "hey asshole pay attention".]

And you probably avoided talking about it becauthe it fucking blowth, right? No one wantsth to remember that, and-

[Dammit. He'd hoped he could avoid talking about his own issues, why this strikes so close to home for him, but he's going to have to go with it if he wants this to go anywhere. He takes a quiet deep breath before forging on. Maybe if he doesn't make it obvious he's speaking from personal experience, they can all ignore it. Right? Fingers fucking crossed.]

It maketh you feel like a fuckup, right? Here'th the one perthon you have who maketh everything feel thort of tentatively okay even for all the world hath gone to fuckall ath it relateth to you, who you can find a bit of quiet and happineth with, and then it getsth yanked from you because apparently you're not allowed to have nice thingth. It'sth not jutht that, 'tho, right?

Becauthe then fate or jutht thome prick with all the power you don't have grabth you by the head and rubth your face in it. They make you watch, they make you feel ill and powerleth and robbed, and you know it'sth only going to be worthe.

But time marcheth on, thingth thtart looking a little up for a while, only for it to come in like a wrecking ball to perthonally fuck up your life, and all that rage and mithery and helplethness cometh back- but what can you do, right?

You know you need to do thomething, but you have no idea what the fuck to do or even if you can do anything.

[It all comes out in a passionate ramble as he props himself up on one elbow, face flushing as he goes on and on. It's only when he stops to catch his breath does he really think about what he said. His shoulders go up awkwardly.]

...If I had to gueth, anyway. Lithten, if I have to come over there to force you into a cuddle between me and TJ, I will fucking make it happen, you pair of dithasters. Come on, talk.

Edited 2014-11-29 11:19 (UTC)

[Nail. On. The head.

And it's clear from the way Amal physically recoils from Psii, getting that look on his face like a cornered animal that only smelled a trap after it was too late. The look that says he's about to run.

As soon as the invitation to talk is offered, he mutters "fuck this", climbs out of the khaki nest, and makes his escape, slamming the door behind him. He can't be in there anymore. He can't listen to this. Psii's uncanny description of his thoughts brought back the ugly memories in a flood, his helplessness, the drunken blur of days in which people dropped by, made him eat, encouraged him to get up. The funeral, the mechanical way he forced himself to prepare the clinic and TSO for the rising waters that ended up washing away any possible leads.

God, and he got wasted and burned down a house. To say he was miserable and enraged, and feeling more than his fair share of both right now, was an understatement.

Fucking troll. Who the fuck did he think he was? Who even asked him?]

[Hearing Psii talk and knowing Amal as well as he did, TJ was awarded tragic foresight into how this would be going. Part of him wanted to stop Psii from saying anymore, but another part of him felt compelled to let him speak.

Maybe it would help? Amal's anger and frustration over this wasn't something TJ knew how to control or handle, and in a show of his own hesitancy, he was willing to let Psii take the bullet for what he couldn't really say himself.

Though that didn't make Amal's retreat any less frustrating and frightening, all rolled into one. TJ didn't need a chip in his brain to make him feel this one: it stung all on its own, igniting insecurities he hoped to bury once and for all when the chip deactivated.

He fucked up, he fucked up so colossally bad, but the only real shot he had of making this go right was letting Amal do this. TJ knew he needed the time alone, the least he could do was ensure he got it.]

Don't. [He said to Psii, preempting any shows of protest or psiioniics from the troll.] Let him go. [And, quieter:] This is harder on him than either of us.

[It's a good thing TJ speaks up when he does, because Psii was protesting, starting to push himself up with his mouth open. It snapped close at the words and nothing but frustration was on his face before he turned around to flop down facefirst. There was the sound of aggravated growling. He sort of wanted to yell or scream or something. Goddammit.]

Thith ith why I don't do conciliatory, fuck! I fucked up.

Man, man, stop. [It was a little blunter than TJ was used to being, but only because he knew Psii could take it.] You didn't fuck up shit. This one's on me, I'll fix it later.

M' glad you're here. [He sighed after a beat.] So don't you go runnin' off, too.

[Peeking up from some fur, he scooted a bit closer to nudge TJ's shoulder with his own.]

You're thure that'll be fine?

[Squeezing the bridge of his nose under his glasses, TJ nodded.]

Yeah... yeah, I mean. We just gotta talk. [He shrugged, looking a little helpless.] Y'know, I think sometimes I shoot myself in the goddamn foot, dude. There some sort of troll fix for that?

Hey, come on. That wath all me that time. I don't know when to keep my mouth thut.

[Awkwardly, like he still wasn't sure where the boundaries laid, he reached over to try and scratch his claws gently through TJ's dreads.] s

You know what you want to talk with him about?

[If Psii was crossing any boundaries, they weren't TJ's. He sighed, closing his eyes against the touch. It really was different to him, in a way he didn't know how he would explain to Amal but knew he would have to, eventually.]

Well, about all this murder... stuff. I mean, shit dude, I know how fucked up he was about it. When I first got here, we couldn't even, like, fuck without him havin' a panic attack...

[TJ got quiet for a moment, wondering if Amal would have been okay with him telling someone about that. Though if he was being honest, a slight pressure felt lifted off his own chest.]

N' I didn't care, you know? Shit, I... l-love him, man, it's more than just that stuff, but then he was saying how he was ready to move on, and I guess it just--just still hurts in a way he wasn't lettin' me see.

[He raised his pupils, looking at Psii without moving his head.]

N' I'm gonna have to give him a better low down on you n' me. I think all that feeling shit made him... draw some conclusions or somethin'.

[With TJ clearly not objecting, it helps Psii relax a bit as well and he listens carefully. Communication problems... Why is it always communication problems when it comes to romances?]

Hey, I wanted to explain it, man. [Still, he gives a shrug. As long as another talk happens, hopefully it won't be an issue... Hopefully.] He theems like the kind of perthon to hide thtuff. Like, not to be a prick, but jutht thomething he does.

...You do it took, I think, but not exactly like he doeth.

[But he might be relying on some personal experience for that call, too.]

Shit, man, so do you. [It wasn't accusing, exactly, more just some perspective all of them sort of needed.] Doesn't everybody?

Yeah, but... you get conthtipated if you do too much, too long.

...Thought getting it out in the open would help him feel better.

Eugh. [But he was laughing, face scrunched up into mostly put-on disgust. It felt good to let off a little steam and laugh.] N' you right, man.

I think he just... [TJ looked down at where there hands rested.] Sensitive, right now. Dunno if he wanted to hear it from the guy I been spendin' so much time with, lately.

...I'll try and keep my dithtance away for a while. If he doethn't like me, then he doethn't like me.

He don't not like you! [TJ was hasty to correct him, though honestly he wasn't sure if he was right or wrong about that. The only thing he was really sure of was that he didn't want Psii to leave.] He's just bein' an asshole about it, 'cuz he's got the wrong idea.

Human's are weird about their--uh, their 'reds'.

[Just a kind of blank stare at that.]

I noticed. [Sorta hard not to.] ...Tho what do you plan on telling him, then? How are you going to lead? I mean... you have the whole recording to talk about, him hiding hith crap from you, me...

That'sth a lot of bullthit, TJ.

Don't you think I don't know? [And as soon as he said, he realized how easily his guard slipped without him even realizing. No "I'll be fine," no "It ain't that bad." It was weird, and it took TJ a moment to recover.]

... I mean, I can handle it. We're good at talkin'. [Not lately, but TJ was still clinging to the knowledge that they could.] It's just been one thing after another, lately...

[Yeah, don't think he doesn't notice that, TJ. For that, Psii is going to lower his hand from those dandelion dreads of yours and gently pat your cheek, the yellowblood in him making his palm noticeably warmer than his.]

Thoooth. [There's a particular kind of chirring noise to the sound.] Let it out, man.

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